Why We Need to Rethink Intelligence
Elon Musk once said in an interview with Joe Rogan:
„The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.“
He called it a civilizational threat. A sign of weakness. A door left open for the enemy.
These are the words of one of the most influential entrepreneurs of our time – a man who builds rockets, develops brain chips, and presents himself as a savior of humanity.
And yet, what we hear is not the voice of a visionary thinker, but a prototype of masculine short-sightedness – technologically advanced, emotionally primitive.
In my book “Be Kind to Your Women”, I wrote:
“For men, a person is seen as intelligent when they get the best out of a situation for themselves.
For women, a person is seen as intelligent when they consider the consequences of their actions for everyone involved – and aim to find the best outcome for all.”
This distinction isn’t just academic. It’s political. It’s ecological. It’s civilizational.
And perhaps it’s the key to understanding why we, as a species, are currently failing.
What if the real problem isn’t a lack of intelligence – but a dangerously narrow definition of it?
What if we’re not struggling with the complexity of the world, but with the arrogance of thinking we can master it alone?
And what if the answer lies in embracing feminine thinking – empathetic, relational, networked – not as weakness, but as a higher form of intelligence?
This essay is an attempt to rethink intelligence.
Beyond IQ.
Beyond dominance.
Beyond the destructive simplicity that teaches us empathy is a flaw.
Masculine Intelligence – The Myth of the Lone Winner
In the stories our culture tells about intelligence, one figure keeps showing up:
The clever man who has everything under control.
The one who pushes through.
The one who comes out on top – no matter how many others fall behind.
His intelligence is measured in quick wit, strategic coldness, and the ability to turn the world into a stage for his personal success. We admire him. Envy him. Elect him.
But what if that’s not intelligence at all?
What if this so-called rational, goal-oriented thinking is actually foolish – because it only works short-term, for a few, and at great cost to the many?
This kind of intelligence seems to be coded as masculine.
Not because men are biologically wired that way, but because our culture has long taught them:
Emotions are weak.
Competition is strength.
Empathy is a threat.
The result? A bloated, self-centered intelligence that celebrates its own success while blindly destroying the very ground it stands on.
Feminine Intelligence – Thinking in Relationship
In contrast stands a different mode of thinking – often overlooked, mocked, or dismissed.
It’s not “me first” but “how do my actions affect those around me?”
It’s not about winning. It’s about sustaining.
This way of thinking is often seen as feminine – not by nature, but by cultural role.
Throughout history and in everyday life, it’s mostly women who carry the emotional and relational load:
They navigate tension, maintain social cohesion, manage the invisible labor of connection.
They know that survival is always a collective act.
Feminine intelligence is systemic.
It senses patterns, anticipates consequences, holds space before things break.
It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t dominate. It listens – and acts accordingly.
Civilization Without Domination – Intelligence Beyond Power
What if what we call “civilization” – cities, leaders, wars, strategies – isn’t the peak of intelligence, but a detour?
Take the Indus Valley Civilization (ca. 2600–1900 BCE):
Highly organized cities, sanitation systems, standardized weights. But no palaces. No royal tombs. No weapons.
No signs of centralized rule.
A civilization without rulers. Without violence cults. Without heroic myths.
Compare that with forests – vast networks where fungi connect tree roots, sharing nutrients and information. Sick trees are supported. Young ones are nurtured. No tree tries to „win.“
The forest survives as a whole.
Or the Bonobos:
Unlike their aggressive chimpanzee cousins, Bonobos live in matriarchal societies.
They resolve conflict with closeness, even sexuality.
They prioritize connection over control.
Connection Makes You Smart – Isolation Makes You Stupid
We tend to see intelligence as something internal – a brain thing.
But that’s only part of the truth.
Studies show: People with fewer social connections and less physical contact perform worse on cognitive tests.
Their memory fades. Focus slips. Awareness narrows.
Why? Because our brains are social organs.
They develop through touch. Through eye contact. Through shared experience.
We think in relationship.
Intelligence without connection is not intelligence. It’s calculation without conscience.
It leads to systems that are efficient, but not wise.
Technically advanced, but emotionally bankrupt.
Empathy Is Civilization
In a system where dominance is rewarded and relationship is ridiculed, empathy seems like a weakness.
Musk calls it a flaw in our civilization.
But what if the opposite is true?
Empathy is not a distraction.
It’s not soft or irrational.
It is reason – in its most human form.
Empathy is the root of trust, cooperation, and dialogue.
It’s what turns clever behavior into intelligent life.
Without it, we build systems that win battles and lose everything else.
What This Text Teaches Us About Ourselves
Read this not as a straight line, but as a spiral.
Musk reflects Trump. Bonobos reflect us. Forests reflect our lost networks.
The Indus reflects what might have been.
The feminine reflects what has been forgotten.
The deeper we go, the clearer it becomes:
Intelligence isn’t a trait. It’s a pattern of relationship.
It’s not found in isolation. It emerges in resonance.
Maybe “Mom’s the Smart One” Was Always Right
We used to say, half-jokingly, “Everyone’s dumb except Mom.”
Maybe that wasn’t so far off.
Not because Mom knows everything –
But because she still feels what others have stopped noticing:
That real intelligence isn’t about always being right.
It’s about knowing when something’s wrong – and trying to make it better for everyone.
Maybe it’s time we start embracing more motherly intelligence.
Not as sentimentality.
But as a principle.
More connection.
More empathy.
More intelligence that doesn’t conquer – but carries.
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